Some rules for the Nazis: A Rough Draft

Okay, yesterday I posted the rules for the patrons - which were more than 10, by the way. I'm still working on this philosophy. Hopefully after I shell out all the redundancy. I'll do the same for these rules:

1. DO NOT, under any circumstances, pocket any money. The exception, of course, is tips. I understand that there are urges to just pocket some cash, disposing of the tickets that the money belonged to, or the few dollars you received when you had no tickets. But it is wrong.
2. Be patient with the patrons. Even if the old f@#k in the red Ford truck is one of them. And even though it's easier to say fuck off to him, be patient with them. If you have a serious problem with one patron, report his ass.
   
3. You don't have the best job in the world, but it's still a job. So do it right.
4. Old men, single mothers, single fathers, old women, teenagers, college students, etc. are all the same people and they all have means of money. It doesn't matter if they're hot or not, DO NOT allow anyone in free. There are only a few circumstances - if they're driving a shitty car and has to go to the bank to get the money, it's an inconvenience to them. They've probably shelled out a lot of money to have this one good day. It's against our morals, ethics and rules to allow them in for free, but it doesn't matter. In the long term, they'll come again, prepared next time.
   
5. If a person has only two dollars and a fifty, take the fifty only if you have enough change. If not, let them in for free and then call it in. They'll have to pay at the door if management cares at all.
   
6. Under any circumstance, DO NOT fall for the flirtatious girls. They'll only do it to get in for free. They don't care about you.
   
7. With that said: EVERYONE PAYS. It doesn't matter if they're wife, father, daughter, son, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, etc. of any of the players or coach. There are only few exceptions to this, and they are old men who have been around since the beginning. However, every stadium is different, I'm only referencing the one I work at.
8. DO NOT chase cars.
   
9. With that in mind, chase cars who get passed only if they've done it more than once and only if you're completely bored.
10. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT snap at a patron and then at someone higher than you. Chances are both deserve it, but it's just in bad form.
    

A few "Dos & Do Nots:" A Rough Draft

Ten Commandments are everywhere - in holy books, in not-so-holy books; there are the 10 Commandments of writing, of acting, of directing, of singing, of working, of everything. However, I've never come across the 10 Commandments of Parking Lot Etiquette. This is, because, most of you are douche bags and treat the parking lot attendants like jerks. We're not jerks, you all are - we should get that straight right away.

If parking is too expensive, you cannot blame those who pick up the toll. It's out of our hands. Hell, we're not even authorized (or supposed to) to give refunds if you're not staying. We're at the bottom of the heap - the maintenance workers are above us - no offense to those who work in maintenance.

So for you parking your cars in our lot, here are some rules:

1. If you're already in a sour mood, DON'T come to the game. It will only piss you off even more, and eventually get your ass reported to the powers that be, which might lead to your expulsion from the game and any future games. This also includes your family, which came with you.
   
2. I understand cussing out people might make you feel better, but DON'T cuss out a parking lot Nazi. This will only cause problems and leave one of us beaten - and believe you me, it won't be the jerk outside of the car. Cuss me out if you have to, but don't verbally abuse me. It's not my fault that the toll is $2 or $3. And if you do decide to blame me, do it under your breath and DO NOT attempt to take me down with you, because I will and I'll go swinging if I need to. You've been warned.
3. DO NOT think you can out run us, should we be isolated and alone on a Slow Sunday. Chances are, you'll annoy us and you'll still have to pay. If a vehicle should enter while we're chasing you down, there's a slight possibility that you'll have to pay for them, too (though we won't tell you this and chances are if they see us going after you, they'll come pay us for fear of the same punishment).
   
4. Tip your Parking Lot Nazis if need be. We really don't do much but collect tolls, but standing in the sun is a horrible thing to do in the middle of July. If you feel the need to tip us, don't feel silly doing so even though we see it as such. We'll be glad to take it and we'll thank you. It's just courtesy.
5. DO NOT ask us where the free parking lot is. There isn't any! It's $2 or $3, period. However, if you're nice and sweet, we'll tell you that on the other side of lot 3 is the university's problem. If you get caught there, it's not ours. If you want to take the risk, then take it.
   
6. Parking Lot Nazis (the men anyway) love girls. However, this one is immune to their ways. Just because I can see your oversize cleavage and your undersized skirt (which leads to god knows where, but I fear infection) doesn't mean I'm going to be nice to you and say go ahead and park for free. That sort of response is left for those who don't have the proper change or look like they worked hard to bring their kids to this one game. I'm serious. Don't try to flirt with me. It won't work.
   
7. No water, sodas or food is allowed inside the stadium. It's common sense. We didn't make the rules, society did. You don't take your own popcorn to a movie, do you? Well, at least not openly stating so.
8. In comparison, $2 or $3 isn't so much against the fine/prison time, you'll get from running us over. Think about it.
   
9. Making conversation with us is a good thing. And it's welcomed. Even if it is negative toward the price of parking. Truth be told, most of us do sympathize with you.
   
10. Free parking does exist, but only before we take up our posts and after we leave. Anything in between, you're completely screwed.
11. The toll is $2-$3. DO NOT bring in a fifty or a hundred and expect change. Half the times, we'll call it in and say you didn't pay, therefore embarrassing you and your family at the gate.
12. If we're on the phone, it means we're calling in for more cash. Please be kind about this.
    

There's no rest for the wicked

Despite still feeling sick, I'm going to work today at 4:15pm because Tim hasn't returned from out of town. Estella called me and I was intent on ignoring all the calls then make up some bullshit later. Sad part is, I'm not that sort of guy. I told her that I was still sick and if she couldn't find a single person to cover for me, then I'd go in. That translated, of course, to stop looking I'll go in. I just wanted to let them know I was on call whenever they needed me, just as long as I have a ride to work.

After today, the team is heading out of town for four days, returning on Friday. After four days of home games, I'm off from the 14-22. In that period of time, I hope to get paid once again so I can go out and buy me a much needed book and Watchmen DVD which is out on the 21st.

While talking to Estella, I told her about the old f@#k in the red Ford truck who was giving me beef because of my calling Super while working. She told me if he does it again, to snap a picture - thank you picture phone! - and send it in. I told her if I don't get a picture of him, then I'll get a picture of his license plates and the model and they can do what they will with that information. There's no need to be so rude to people, period.

No Ticket Trollin' for this Parking Lot Nazi

I go in sick yesterday, thinking I was going to be a Ticket Troll. When I got there, I see Estella at the gate, money bags in hand. I know the worse is coming. Because my sickness dealt with my stomach, I requested them not to send me all the way to lot 3 because with the heat, I might just wind up puking my guts out with no one ever knowing it was happening. So they gave Fred 3 and I stayed in lot 2. For the most part, it was grand.

Until the old f@#k in the red Ford truck pulled up. I've dealt with him this past home stand. He's a bitter old man who thinks the world owes him a great deal of everything. The first time, he cussed me under his breath - in Spanish, I should add, so it makes the insults way more annoying that those who do it in English. This time, however, I was running out of fives and I hate giving out ones in change - c'mon people, if the toll's $3, why don't you just give me a five or a ten? Stop using that, "Oh the ATM only gives out twenties" excuse because you can stop at a store and buy a drink.

Anyway, I'm on the phone, calling Super to bring me some fives or ones or something, as long as it's change. The old f@#k in the red Ford truck pulls up, I take his money and give him his ticket, with the phone glued to my ear in hopes that someone on the other line will answer it. As he drives away, however, the old f@#k in the red Ford truck, again deciding to cuss me out in Spanish, tells me to get off the phone and do my goddamn job. To which, I turn and blatantly, in English, tell him to go f@#k himself. Two can play that game, but only one of us knows both languages.

I told Fred about it and he's the one who pointed out that he drove a Ford. Because I know the truck he drove was red, the description matched. If I'm ever at lot 2 again, and that old fuck comes in with his attitude. I'm snapping a picture of him, his plates and then running them over to Bossman so the fucker can get banned from the stadium. There's not need to treat anyone in such a fashion.

Like I told Jyg, this guy's just in a permanent bad mood. I'm usually in one, as well, but I, at least, have the decency to stray away from things during it. Or if it's because he has to pay for parking, then he can find another lot - a so-called free lot - and park. Or he doesn't have to go to the game at all; he can just sit at home and wank off. Just as long as he doesn't bother me with his shit.

And that's all I have to say about that. I'm in the process of making a list of dos and don'ts for both parking lot Nazis and those who inhabit the lot.