Tricks of the trade & College students have gotten wise

There is no such thing as free parking. Most of the patrons would like to think there is by bypassing me. It isn't a hard task to do. They simply ignore me.

Because the rules of the game have changed, I'm not longer chasing them (unless, of course, it's a slow Sunday and I'm bored out of my mind), so the tricks have to change. Yesterday, and the days before, I implemented pad and pen trick. It's where I actually write down someones license plate after looking at me and driving forward. This puts them in a state of paranoia because they know I'm going to report their vehicle for not paying. This worked twice yesterday.

Another trick is the one Fred taught me, and one I've already been using. When a patron drives passed me without stopping, jumps the sidewalk or whatever other trick they have, I call them in and send their description. This gets them paranoid that I'm calling a higher authority - which I am, but not the one they think I'm calling - and they return and pay or leave the lot.

Now, I don't stop all the people who enter my parking lot. I've become very discriminative with who stops and who can park. The reason is because several of the college students who enter are parking for the gym across the street. So if I see the parking permit and if they're wearing what I consider work out clothing, they don't have to stop. But two girls have gotten wise about this. They pulled in and parked near the gym, only to drive off when I turned my back to them. Sneaky, but that just cost the rest of them who are actually going to the gym to be stopped and inquired.

Now, again, not all of them will be stopped. A few of them will be let in because I already know who they are and they've already established themselves. If they should sneak passed me, then the rules will have to change again.

Last night, however, I planned to speak with the manager of the stadium to tell him of the my problem. Yesterday was a lost of $10, which isn't much, but still all that money adds up in the end. Especially those who get passed me on Thursdays.

Estella wanted to put a block on the other side, but against my better judgment, I told her it was a bad idea as it would not only piss off a lot of college students, but also cause a great congestion in my area. What I need, even though it's highly not necessary, is a partner again. After Marcus departure - and his return yesterday left me with a shimmering glimpse of hope - I have been grinding my teeth. It's not so much that they bypassed me that bugs me, but that several other, hardworking people have to pay while these free spirit morons are allowed in for free. Again, I've never been one to screw over the hardworking.

So today, I'm going to make my case. Either I get to chase after them, or they give me a partner or they lose money. Simple as that.

Some rules for the Nazis: A Rough Draft

Okay, yesterday I posted the rules for the patrons - which were more than 10, by the way. I'm still working on this philosophy. Hopefully after I shell out all the redundancy. I'll do the same for these rules:

1. DO NOT, under any circumstances, pocket any money. The exception, of course, is tips. I understand that there are urges to just pocket some cash, disposing of the tickets that the money belonged to, or the few dollars you received when you had no tickets. But it is wrong.
2. Be patient with the patrons. Even if the old f@#k in the red Ford truck is one of them. And even though it's easier to say fuck off to him, be patient with them. If you have a serious problem with one patron, report his ass.
   
3. You don't have the best job in the world, but it's still a job. So do it right.
4. Old men, single mothers, single fathers, old women, teenagers, college students, etc. are all the same people and they all have means of money. It doesn't matter if they're hot or not, DO NOT allow anyone in free. There are only a few circumstances - if they're driving a shitty car and has to go to the bank to get the money, it's an inconvenience to them. They've probably shelled out a lot of money to have this one good day. It's against our morals, ethics and rules to allow them in for free, but it doesn't matter. In the long term, they'll come again, prepared next time.
   
5. If a person has only two dollars and a fifty, take the fifty only if you have enough change. If not, let them in for free and then call it in. They'll have to pay at the door if management cares at all.
   
6. Under any circumstance, DO NOT fall for the flirtatious girls. They'll only do it to get in for free. They don't care about you.
   
7. With that said: EVERYONE PAYS. It doesn't matter if they're wife, father, daughter, son, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, etc. of any of the players or coach. There are only few exceptions to this, and they are old men who have been around since the beginning. However, every stadium is different, I'm only referencing the one I work at.
8. DO NOT chase cars.
   
9. With that in mind, chase cars who get passed only if they've done it more than once and only if you're completely bored.
10. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT snap at a patron and then at someone higher than you. Chances are both deserve it, but it's just in bad form.
    

A few "Dos & Do Nots:" A Rough Draft

Ten Commandments are everywhere - in holy books, in not-so-holy books; there are the 10 Commandments of writing, of acting, of directing, of singing, of working, of everything. However, I've never come across the 10 Commandments of Parking Lot Etiquette. This is, because, most of you are douche bags and treat the parking lot attendants like jerks. We're not jerks, you all are - we should get that straight right away.

If parking is too expensive, you cannot blame those who pick up the toll. It's out of our hands. Hell, we're not even authorized (or supposed to) to give refunds if you're not staying. We're at the bottom of the heap - the maintenance workers are above us - no offense to those who work in maintenance.

So for you parking your cars in our lot, here are some rules:

1. If you're already in a sour mood, DON'T come to the game. It will only piss you off even more, and eventually get your ass reported to the powers that be, which might lead to your expulsion from the game and any future games. This also includes your family, which came with you.
   
2. I understand cussing out people might make you feel better, but DON'T cuss out a parking lot Nazi. This will only cause problems and leave one of us beaten - and believe you me, it won't be the jerk outside of the car. Cuss me out if you have to, but don't verbally abuse me. It's not my fault that the toll is $2 or $3. And if you do decide to blame me, do it under your breath and DO NOT attempt to take me down with you, because I will and I'll go swinging if I need to. You've been warned.
3. DO NOT think you can out run us, should we be isolated and alone on a Slow Sunday. Chances are, you'll annoy us and you'll still have to pay. If a vehicle should enter while we're chasing you down, there's a slight possibility that you'll have to pay for them, too (though we won't tell you this and chances are if they see us going after you, they'll come pay us for fear of the same punishment).
   
4. Tip your Parking Lot Nazis if need be. We really don't do much but collect tolls, but standing in the sun is a horrible thing to do in the middle of July. If you feel the need to tip us, don't feel silly doing so even though we see it as such. We'll be glad to take it and we'll thank you. It's just courtesy.
5. DO NOT ask us where the free parking lot is. There isn't any! It's $2 or $3, period. However, if you're nice and sweet, we'll tell you that on the other side of lot 3 is the university's problem. If you get caught there, it's not ours. If you want to take the risk, then take it.
   
6. Parking Lot Nazis (the men anyway) love girls. However, this one is immune to their ways. Just because I can see your oversize cleavage and your undersized skirt (which leads to god knows where, but I fear infection) doesn't mean I'm going to be nice to you and say go ahead and park for free. That sort of response is left for those who don't have the proper change or look like they worked hard to bring their kids to this one game. I'm serious. Don't try to flirt with me. It won't work.
   
7. No water, sodas or food is allowed inside the stadium. It's common sense. We didn't make the rules, society did. You don't take your own popcorn to a movie, do you? Well, at least not openly stating so.
8. In comparison, $2 or $3 isn't so much against the fine/prison time, you'll get from running us over. Think about it.
   
9. Making conversation with us is a good thing. And it's welcomed. Even if it is negative toward the price of parking. Truth be told, most of us do sympathize with you.
   
10. Free parking does exist, but only before we take up our posts and after we leave. Anything in between, you're completely screwed.
11. The toll is $2-$3. DO NOT bring in a fifty or a hundred and expect change. Half the times, we'll call it in and say you didn't pay, therefore embarrassing you and your family at the gate.
12. If we're on the phone, it means we're calling in for more cash. Please be kind about this.